Transforming Conflict with Cultural Agility

Andre

Hey folks, welcome back to Engaging Thought—I’m Andre, and as always, I've got Eric right here with me. And today, you know, we’re getting into something that happens to all of us, pretty much every week—or, let’s be honest, every day—at work: conflict. But, uh, not just the kind that fries your nerves. We're talking about flipping conflict into, well, almost a superpower, right?

Eric Marquette

Yeah, that's spot on, Andre. It’s easy to see conflict as this thing where you gotta pick a side and fight, but what we’re diving into is actually... changing what you see as the “win.” Instead of proving your point, what if you tried to genuinely understand where the other person’s coming from? It's kind of like—oh, I had this moment way back in my early media days. We had two producers practically going at each other’s throats over, well, honestly, nothing monumental. People started picking sides, and the tension just built up because both felt, you know, unheard.

Andre

I love that—because that instinct to defend, to dig your heels in... that's so human. But the minute we switch from 'combat' to curiosity, suddenly the energy changes in the room. We talked about a version of this a couple episodes back, when we went deep on allyship and the importance of just staying present and asking questions instead of trying to fix or win, remember that?

Eric Marquette

Absolutely. And actually, in that producer story, what turned it around wasn’t the manager stepping in to "resolve" it. It was literally one person asking, “Can you help me understand why this matters to you?” It, like, cracked open all this stuff behind the disagreement. Suddenly, there was room for both viewpoints—nobody had to "lose." They actually wound up collaborating more the next week. I still try to use that, even now. But, Andre, why do you think asking that question is so much harder than just making our case?

Andre

Because, honestly, it feels like giving up control at first! We’re conditioned to think that if we ask, we’re... what, weak? But really, flipping to curiosity says: I respect you enough to believe your perspective matters. And I want to find that path forward together, not just push mine. It’s simple—but it’s radical in most workplaces. Like, we're not taught to do this in those moments of stress.

Eric Marquette

And it’s not about being a pushover, either. You can still disagree. The difference is—it’s collaborative. Curiosity’s the thing that shifts a fight into a conversation where new ideas can actually surface.

Andre

Okay, so let's take this deeper—because none of this happens in a vacuum, right? Every disagreement, every tough moment at work, it’s all shaped by power, by privilege... whether we notice it or not. Like, let's be real: is everyone actually safe to speak up? Who gets listened to by default? Who gets, well, ignored?

Eric Marquette

Yeah, and, you know, those dynamics are so subtle sometimes. I might—like, for me, as a white guy in media, that meant I could float an idea and people would just give it airtime, often without even realizing it. Whereas, folks who didn’t look or sound like me had to repeat themselves, or got second-guessed. I’m not proud of that but being aware of it is the bare minimum, right?

Andre

Right, and it's that piece of unearned privilege—we don’t earn how we show up in those spaces sometimes; the system just gives different folks different weights. But there’s also earned privilege—like expertise, or being the 'go-to' person. And it’s heavy, sometimes, for people with burdened identities—race, gender, whatever—because their contributions can get brushed off, or they're seen as tokens. And that shapes every single conflict.

Eric Marquette

So the trick is, I guess, to name it, but not in a way that shuts people down. We build that “psychological safety” you talk about. Actually, Andre, didn’t you have a story about a team retreat where, like, everything just felt off until you named the dynamic?

Andre

Oh yeah, I remember, it was a tech startup—high stakes, deadlines everywhere. Folks were talking 'past' each other, lots of tension that wasn’t about the project, really. I paused the session and just said, “Look, I notice that some people are holding back, and others are driving the whole conversation—can we talk about who feels safe here, and who doesn’t?” That moment... it honestly broke the ice. People started being real about why they were hesitating—feeling overlooked, or like their input wasn’t going to count. From there, trust actually grew. It's wild how just naming it—gently—can free everyone up to contribute more fully.

Eric Marquette

Such a great example. It’s, like, explaining the rules of the game before you start playing, so everyone can show up as themselves, not as some caricature or stereotype. Even saying, “Hey, I know bias lives here, let’s keep each other honest,” creates space to adapt and connect—not just tolerate.

Andre

That brings us to what I think is the heart of it: adaptation. Tolerance is, what, just putting up with each other? Adaptation means I’m actively adjusting how I show up, so we can actually work together, not just coexist.

Eric Marquette

Exactly—like, think about communication styles. Some folks cut right to the chase—no small talk, just facts. Others want that context, a little check-in, you know, “How’s your day going?” I used to get thrown off by that, but now, I get it. If I only ever operate one way, someone’s always left feeling misplaced—or worse, unwelcome.

Andre

And, here's something folks forget: adapting your style isn’t losing your edge or being inauthentic—it’s expanding your skills. If I'm always direct, but I'm working with someone who needs context, I can slow down, provide a little background. Makes all the difference. The goal isn’t for one style to win out, it’s to find enough overlap that we both feel valued and… safe, right?

Eric Marquette

Yeah, and sometimes the most powerful move is calling out a stereotype in the moment—but with respect. Not, like, “Gotcha!” but, “Hey, I noticed that could be misread, or maybe unintentionally missing a voice in the room.” I was in a meeting just last year where someone did that, and instead of everyone freezing up, it was kind of a relief—like, now we can talk about it, not tiptoe around it.

Andre

Exactly—naming bias, respectfully, isn’t about blame. It’s about protecting the psychological safety you’ve worked so hard to build. Every time you do that, you’re banking trust for next time, and that’s what fuels true innovation. When people know they’re seen and safe, they take risks, share better ideas, and actually want to work together again tomorrow.

Eric Marquette

So, if you’re listening—next time you sense tension, try turning down the volume on “being right” and dial up the curiosity. Ask a question, check your power, adapt how you show up. And if you can call bias out with care? You’re, uh, probably one step ahead of the average workplace, honestly.

Andre

Absolutely. That’s how you shift from just weathering disagreements to building actual, resilient connections at work. And hey, you know, that’s what it’s all about: making sure the tough conversations help push us—and our teams—forward, not apart.

Eric Marquette

All right, that’s a wrap for today’s conversation. Thanks, Andre—always a pleasure to dig into this stuff with you. For everyone listening, keep these tools in your back pocket—we’ll keep building on this in episodes to come. Be curious out there.

Andre

Appreciate you, Eric! And thanks to everyone tuning in—remember, one curious conversation can change more than you think. Take care and we’ll catch you next time on Engaging Thought.